I can’t exactly recall the last time I have dated someone toxic. Maybe, I wasn’t in a relationship with them. It is an almost-relationship, at best. There’s this particular guy who I would always see it as the most toxic guy I have ever met.
His existence still has a lingering effect on all of my relationships.
It’s suicidal when you know he wasn’t right for you yet you are still dating him. I am so sorry towards my younger self because I wasn’t being protective enough or perhaps, I was just totally defenceless towards him.
I always wonder why the the nice guy would never take a chance, while fuckboys would always go out of the way to prove to me of their sincerity and interest to have a relationship with me.
It’s weird but I would always have a thing for a guy if he goes out of his way to show his interest in me. I am instantly attracted to the kind of attention he gave me for that period of time without considering the consequences.
We hit it off as playful and casual but when I suggested the possibility of being in a long-term relationship or even marriage, it killed all the sparks.
They had zero interest in pursuing a relationship, they only cared about what they can gain from me at the moment.
When you’re so emotionally invested in someone despite them not wanting you anymore, you would start to over-think and spiral out of control. At that moment, you are incapable to see the toxicity. You focus all your energy on keeping him in your life and do everything to retain this connection.
It is gradual suicide and you are too blind to see it.
You simply don’t want to let go. It’s never about the person, it’s about the time and effort you have invested in that person. Once you have withdrawn from that relationship, it’s obvious that your time and effort have gone down the drain.
You couldn’t swallow that down so you do everything to retain this connection, even if it means killing yourself during the process.