• Lifestyle,  Travel

    My Travel Anxiety Almost Killed Me

    Travelling is my only mechanism to escape from people and sometimes, it almost killed me. Recently, I began to do reverse construction about my travel anxiety. I used to think plenty of what ifs. Now, I simply don’t and just focus on my love for travelling. Deep inside my mind, I wanted to conquer my fear of travel anxiety. Perhaps, I shall live off the pretence that the world is quite safe for a woman to travel. The next moment, I booked my flight to Japan since my friends gave me many good reviews. Of course, I will turn on my common sense even though I am going to Japan.…

  • Mental Health

    Anxiety, We Need To Talk!

    It’s the end of the month. The last of the few articles that would give you a glimpse of our minds… Our anxious minds. It’s also time where I have a conversation with my demon: Anxiety Dear Anxiety, You’re not something that I can easily talk about. You’re not something that I can talk to… to anyone. No one understands. Well, even I didn’t for a while. You were behind my irrational fears. You were the shadow always lurking.  You were the reason why I was tossing and turning at 3 am or why I wake up with tears streaming down my face. You put thoughts and seniors in my…

  • Mental Health,  Relationship

    May The Toxicity In Us Be Neutralised

    I get offended very easily whenever someone makes the comment about me being toxic. They didn’t even know me, yet they called me toxic. It doesn’t even make any sense at all. Maybe, I was perceived as a toxic person at some point of the time which I wasn’t aware of. But, just how toxic can I get? During this period, I was with a wonderful guy. I used to think that he would be the love of my life but sadly he wasn’t. As a lover, I failed badly because I didn’t have the ability to love the way the other person needed. I love hard and intensively which…

  • Lifestyle,  Mental Health,  Relationship

    An Open Letter to Anorexia

    Dear Anorexia, You loved me wholeheartedly when nobody did. For the very first time, you made me feel alive. You’re the only one I got when I was alone. We were very much like a couple, we taught, we made up and we always got each other backs. You helped me lose weight when I was super insecure with myself, and I slimmed down. People love how I looked. I look better and prettier when I am in a skinny frame, when in actuality, I almost died.   In our own world, we didn’t have anyone but ourselves. We were living the motto: The skinnier the better.   You picked me…

  • Lifestyle,  Mental Health

    Day Of A Person With A Binge Eating Disorder

    The moment when food is being swallowed, I know it is going to be a binge. Or, a restriction from eating more. A lot has been going on my mind recently so I started to care less what I put inside my mouth. So, I listen to that beast within and feed it whatever it wants. There isn’t a day of me being binge free. Once you start, it’s already another cycle. So how do you stop it? Well, you don’t have the power to do so. You see yourself slowly perishing to the point whereby you don’t fight back as that would be better. Just binge and let it…

  • Lifestyle,  Mental Health

    We Don’t Understand Everything About Mental Health Illnesses

    Mental health illness isn’t something that dictated us of the inability of being physical health. Most of the times, we are like most humans out there, we work hard for our bread and have family members. Apart from that, we are consistently coping with our mental diseases. We are not crazy people, so stop stereotyping us as that. You need a knowledge update, because being ignorant isn’t an excuse. When I first visited the psychiatrist, I don’t feel good at all. It’s like opening up your wounds to someone whom you are not comfortable with. At the same time, you are seeking treatment. After the subsequent visits, you are slowly…

  • Lifestyle,  Mental Health,  Travel

    Having A Relapse When Travelling Is Hell

    Travelling is a privilege as well as a nightmare to me. I get to experience what the country has to offer, from the cuisine to the many encounters.   But, what if I experience a relapse?   Well, that would be another excuse for me to travel to that country once again. When a relapse occurred, I won’t be eating anything at all. Thus, I would missing out on all the delicious and exotic food from that country. A huge part of me wanted to just try to finish everything on my plate but I know I can’t touch it. During one of my most recent travel , I had…

  • Lifestyle,  Mental Health

    I Don’t Like Food. Don’t Judge!

    Everyone gossips about people who don’t look the same or behave the same. My first thought was, how cruel! What if that’s how they feel about me? I glanced the mirror. My hair was a messy curly and bushy. I was an exceedingly anxious. I was one of the smallest girls in my class and I’ve been a runner since I was 14 years old and a dancer since I was 7. Naturally, with cardio being my main form of exercise, my weight was never something I needed to remotely worry about. Despite all that, I was satisfied. Yes, was. Past tense. It all stopped that one night.   I…

  • Mental Health,  Relationship

    Dating Someone With Mental Health Issues Requires A Lot Of Effort

    I never like the idea of me dating someone because I am fully aware of how I can get. It’s like I am a rainbow cake with tons of frosting. That extra frosting is not needed to be discovered by another person yet. If anyone is going to date someone with a mental illness, don’t attempt it if you have the plan to leave the person at any point in time. It’s hurting your partner more than you think. Your partner is more vulnerable than you in the relationship. Take myself for example, I don’t do dating anymore because I am simply not meant to be dated.Why bother to harm…

  • Mental Health,  Relationship

    This Is The Reason Why We Can’t Be Friends Anymore

    First of all, I would like to say that it’s not your fault why we stopped being friends. It’s on me, it’s me who didn’t want to hang out with you anymore. Harsh? Yes, but I’m being honest. Previously,  I received a notification from Facebook about an acceptance of friend request. The truth is I don’t recall when I sent that friend request or whatsoever. That’s history now, as I no longer wanted to be associated with her. For the past few years, I tend to avoid meeting up with friends due to my problem with eating. Why do we have to eat whenever we are meeting each other ?…